Agreement

Dominant/submissive relationship requires faithful submission from the sub and loving guidance from the Dom. This type of arrangement is more lenient than a mere husband and wife power exchange because the sub may stipulate limits to the Dom or Dom’s authority. However, this doesn’t mean that a D/s arrangement is any less meaningful.

The D/s relationship is a very popular arrangement which exists in the BDSM lifestyle. It signifies a deep commitment between the parties however the submission is not as intense as a total power exchange. This is because the sub retains the right to govern whichever aspects of his/her life they wish and the right to place limits on play and punishment. In effect, unlike a Master or Mistress, the Dominant is restricted as to what he can do with the sub.

Areas that are Off Limits

Since a submissive has the freedom to make choices in respect of areas which are “off limits” this should be reflected in any document that is signed. The wording doesn’t usually say “the Dominant will not have control over…” or “the girl has the right to control these areas….”. The clauses are typically drafted to sound as though the Dom is empowered rather than being stripped off His powers. So the off-limit areas (don’t confuse this with hard/soft sexual limits) are not usually mentioned at all. Instead, the document stipulates clearly what parts the Dom does have control over. For example “He shall have the ability to control and make decisions with respect to the following aspects of the sub’s life”.

Limiting Control

Of course, drafting the clause in a general sense will give the Dom more flexibility with decision making. For example saying the Dom has the power and responsibility to look after the sub’s health and fitness gives Him a wide scope of control. Under such a clause, he could make the sub train five times a week in intense classes, eat a strict vegetable only diet and punish her if she slips up even a little.

If you don’t wish to give the Dom all decision making power over a certain issue then you can still give Him some control by creating a specific clause which you both agree on from the outset. For example the clause can stipulate that the submissive must participate in two aerobic sessions per week and weight training once per week. This way the sub is still under control but to a lesser and more bearable extent. If you are worried about handing over total control, then the degree of domination must be made clear in your contract.

Play time

A thorough agreement will have limits and safe words, which essentially give subs the power over play. Hard limits are those which the girl/boy will never agree to. This could be anything from anal play to fisting. If a Dom tries something which is listed as a hard limit, this can irreparably break the trust between the parties and may even result in ending the relationship. Soft limits are those activities which the sub is willing to consider engaging in as long as they are warned or enter into a discussion about them beforehand. They can always say no after the warning or discussion. A proper covenant will list and define exactly what each of the hard and soft limits means and what the Dom needs to do/refrain from doing. An alteration clause enables the parties to add/delete limits.

Covenants on safety

As for safe words, a sub will usually have the right to stop play for any reason just by calling out loud a word that is agreed upon. Some covenants have a second safe word to signify that the sub wishes the Dom to reduce or stop the intensity of their actions, but not stop things completely. Unlike subs, some slaves don’t believe in having limits and some even refuse to agree on a safe word. Their rationale is that they trust Master or sir completely and they believe there shouldn’t be any constraints imposed on His or Her ability to take charge. This isn’t the case in D/s contracts because play and methods of punishment are curtailed by the sub from the outset.

Being a sub

Just because subs retain some decision making power doesn’t mean they have less desire to serve than a slave. D/s relationships in no way show lack of commitment or devotion toward Him/Her. They are still a very legitimate BDSM arrangement, one which may even last longer than a normal marriage situation if the wife struggles to give up total power. Either way, you should know your own abilities and boundaries in deciding whether you wish to retain some control or whether you are prepared to submit your whole self. Both ways can be very rewarding; you just need to discuss and negotiate your intentions from the start and sign it into your contract.